Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My mom at night: Good night, sweet dreams I love you. My mom in the morning: Wake the f*ck up you lazy piece of sh!t.
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes...
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
Saying “sounds good” is probably the nicest way to abruptly end a conversation.
I`m glad I`m me, I don`t think anybody else could take it.
Male or female, no one f*cks with you if you put your lipstick on like The Joker.
When a cashier asks if you have a rewards card, look down, sigh, and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
I love bacon because I can wrap it around everything. Essentially, it`s the duct tape of food.
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn`t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
Nobody cares what you`re gonna do in 2015. Now post some nudes.
I hate taking down Christmas decorations just to put up Halloween decorations...
My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 spacecraft computer. They went to the moon. I text a lot.
I don’t care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted