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Five years ago my boss asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I finally know the answer: Not Here
Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
is available for rebound sex.
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
You`ve got to love yourself. But not in public places.
Life is like a box of chocolates. Get your own and stay the hell out of mine.
i hate it when other people hate the person i hate!!!
Remember all those times I said "wow, that`s cool!"? What I really meant was, "shut the f*ck up, I hate you."
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
When I get a prescription for drugs, I don`t ask, `Will it work? Are there any side effects?` No, it`s `Can I drink with these?`
I could snap at any moment. Seriously, with either hand.
I tried counting sheep to get to sleep, but one was missing and now Iām gonna be up all night worrying.
I just heard someone say "I can`t wait for 13/13/13" .....let`s take a moment and pray for this dumbass
There`s no WE in pizza.
My nickname at work is "HR wants to see you"