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My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
"This place needs to be sticky, wall to wall." - Every 2 year old with a Popsicle.
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
Dude, next time you wanna wave at me, please use more than one finger.
Is it sexual harasment to say ho ho ho to a female coworker?
Have you ever ate something so good that you do a little happy dance while your eating it?
The Teen Choice Awards air last tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren`t allowed to vote.
Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.
Did you know you can go to any gym without having to announce it on Facebook?
I purposely cry while cutting carrots so onions don`t think they`re ugly or something.
Iām looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
I`ll sell my broken watch when the time is right.