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My first mistake was thinking she couldn`t hit a moving target.
No one’s going to do it for you. It’s up to just you to make naps a priority in your life.
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
I like dating chicks with kids, because fruity snacks
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
I get my cardio from caffeine...
For some people, a new year means a new chance to f*ck it up all over again.
Made some terrible life choices the last few years. Just kidding. I`m married and not allowed to make decisions.
I`d have better people skills if I worked with better people.
I gave my cat 7up, now it has 16 lives
My head hurts, I think my horns are coming in...
Sorry I can`t make it to your party tonight- I have to get up REALLY early tomorrow afternoon.
I plan on leaving all my money to the campaign against illiteracy. ...They can`t read this right? lol
I still sing my ABC’s to see which letter comes first.