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Seems like everyone is either trying to pretend they have the life they want, or escape the life they have.
Racism, sexism and homophobia make no sense when there are so many perfectly good stupid people to hate.
I am sorry I had feelings. I`ll replace them with jokes right away.
Few things are creepier than someone saying "I know" after you introduce yourself.
So, if I lie to the government, it’s a felony. But if they lie to me its politics?
Sometimes words just aren`t enough. And that`s why we have middle fingers.
I`m feeling about as useful as a stoplight in Grand Theft Auto.
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
I`ll be posting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
Stress balls work best when you shove them down somebody`s throat.
I’m in no shape to exercise.
All my life I thought air was free… and then I bought a bag of chips. ^^
It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat
I`d engage you in a battle of wits, but I`m afraid you`re unarmed.