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Hey Samsung and Apple, no need for commercials. We’ve all chosen sides.
If you have to ask if it`s too early to drink wine...You`re an amateur and we can`t be friends.
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
Be friend with stupid people.., feel like genius all the time
The awkward moment when you look both ways down a one way street.
I think the only way I`ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I`m in prison.
If I’ve learned anything in my twenty-two years on this earth, it’s that it’s okay to lie about your age.
I hate it when I think I`m buying ORGANIC vegetables but when I get home I discover they`re just REGULAR donuts...
Debate?.....isn`t that what you use to catch "The Fish" ?
I’m so broke this New Years Im gonna party like its $19.99.
A homeless guy asked me for money today and I thought, sure, he’s probably just gonna spend it on booze and cigarettes. Then I remembered, that’s what I was gonna do, so we walked to the store together.
I hate when a website has a picture that you can click and enlarge. Then the "enlarged picture" is the same exact size as the thumbnail!
I was disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?