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WebMD needs to add the question "Have you eaten Taco Bell today?" when asking about stomach-related symptoms.
The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on
All milk is breast milk.
Men are like lottery tickets. Very exciting at first, until you scratch away the surface to reveal the loser beneath.
I’m sorry I slapped you. It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to stop talking and I panicked.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
I don’t mean to brag but when I’m at the Taco Bell drive thru placing my order, I don’t even look at the prices.
Thinking of opening a bar right next to a gym and call it “Decisions, Decisions”.
Just because you`re not paranoid doesn`t mean they`re not out to get you.
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!
Of course I`m crazy, but that doesn`t mean I`m wrong