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Let me be clear, I don`t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment
The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
You don`t have to like me, I`m not a Facebook status.
The only human interaction I want for the rest of the day is the exchange of money between me and the liquor store cashier
Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you`ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you.
I really thought 2015 had potential to be “my year” but we’re 2 months in and that ship has sailed so I’ll try again for 2016.
Even if I were taking a dump on the moon someone would walk in and sit down in the stall next to me.
If someone says "I`m a sub-par golfer" does that mean they`re good at golf, or bad?
Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word "irony."
Not to brag, but Netflix recommends certain movies just for me.
Unless you fell on the treadmill, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
Sometimes, I`m offended at how easily offended some people get.
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich
Girls are supposed to dance. That`s why god gave them parts that jiggle.
My husband told me he needed more space ... So I locked him outside.