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I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a videocamera you can usually film like 3 or 4 births before they throw you out.
Apparently, walking up behind a girl in the produce isle with celery in my hand and saying "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
I`m a beer enthusiast. The more beer I drink, the more enthusiastic I become.
Missed the gym yesterday.... That makes 11 years in a row.
Give a fish some bread and he`ll eat for a day. Teach a fish to be a flying piranha and he`ll eat for a lifetime.
I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
For a guy who cant figure out how a remote works my dad sure has a lot of advice for Obama.
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
You know what I like about people? Their dogs.
Just saw 2 homeless guys hitting eachother with cardboard... PILLOW FIGHT!
I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would`ve been a lot more interesting.
I hope common sense is the next cool trend.
Why is it called `after dark`, when it is really after light
After reading some marriage post, I`m beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.