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Tomorrow is International "Cook a Steak and Then Throw It to a Seagull" Day. Get involved. Don`t question it.
I am so thankful there is no alert that tells someone how many times I have enlarged their profile pics.
I made a chicken salad today... The little bastard didn`t even eat it.
Something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow.
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour
I`m late on the give thanks every day in November thing... so let me catch up. Days 1-22. I`m thankful for boobs
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a puppy, or just a burrito.
Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
I`m reaching the point where I really hope it`s not possible to be annoyed to death.
Well if you didn`t want me to fall in love with you, why did you tell me you had nachos?
If by time, you mean vodka, then yes, time does heal all wounds.
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats