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In marijuana`s defense, I`m lazy as sh!t completely sober too.
Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
Is going to bed! Hopefully the Cleaning Fairies will come and clean my house tonight! Wishful Dreaming i guess!
Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life! Unless you’re an idiot. In that case, please listen carefully.
Facebook, the lost and found for people. . .
I`m just looking for a reason not to drink
Its too damn early. Even the voices in my head are still snoring.
"Wish You Were Beer!" Wait...no...that`s right...send.
My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
Sorry I got really drunk and ended up being really mouthy and offensive at your party next week.