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I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
To me, suicide seems selfish. For all I know, someone else might want to kill me
My son just accused me of making stuff up. I wouldn`t mind but I don`t even have any children!
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
I really like my new electric toothbrush, even though sometimes, I still break out the acoustic.
May the bridges I burn light the path in front of me...
Did the Energizer Bunny finally stop going and going, and none of us even noticed it?
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
Yes, I streaked once on a dare ... all the rest of the times though were just for fun
The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.
Sorry I can`t make it to your party tonight- I have to get up REALLY early tomorrow afternoon.
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village has one.