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I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
List of the most populated places in the world - 1. China 2. India 3. Friend Zone 4. United States 5. Indonesia
Technically, it isn`t pre-marital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy
I`m so broke, if somebody tried to rob me right now, they would just be practicing.
My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
I’m hopelessly addicted to placebos ..I’d give them up, but it’d make no difference.
I’m not a schizophrenic… At least, that’s what all the voices tell me.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
I`ve already had two beers which automatically means my day is already better than yours.
I wish I could understand what women with big boobs are saying.
There are two types of people in this world: those who know how to handle stress, and those who need bail money.
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator. Hahaha I’m so sorry. No I’m not.
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.