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I’ve made some mistakes I wish I could make again.
I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way.
My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized
I’m just like everyone else: I put my straight jacket on one buckle at a time.
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
In Hell, you cannot peel off the colors on a Rubik`s Cube to solve it
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
If you really want to impress me with the year a bottle of wine was made, bring me one from 2024....
The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier.
I bet people don’t understand that I’m joking 800% of the time.
im so hungry, im farting fresh air
No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one.
Sometimes I zone out and forget what I’m supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
When your Dr. says "I`ll need to Google that"..... it`s time to change Doctors