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FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
ALCOHOL - Because no good story ever started with someone drinking a glass of orange juice.
Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
My wife let me remove all her clothes last night ... From the dryer
I told my 4-year-old she couldn`t open any candy yet. So she ate a Tootsie Roll with the wrapper still on it. That kid is a problem solver.
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn´t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.
Am I the only one that always puts my wallet back into my pocket before getting my change back?
Why is it when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a deserted island?" , no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
Hi everyone! Welcome to AA. This is a "judgment free" zone...unless we`re talking about Janice who ate all the cookies last week.
If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet it would explain a lot.
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.