Daily Silly Status

That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.

Life is not a garden so quit being a hoe

I wish relationships were more like cell phone plans - "Free nights and weekends."

"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches

There’s been over 30 billion messages posted on Facebook, and yet most of us have never even talked to our neighbors.

If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, "Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"

I don`t think America should elect a president in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.

I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.

I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.

If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore.

My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel

Alcohol doesn’t make you fat… it makes you Lean… on tables, chairs & random ugly people.

If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really really fast :)

Your secrets are safe with me because I zone out everytime you speak.

TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!