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The worst part about calling in for a sick day is the pressure of knowing you only have one shot to do the “I’m sick” voice.
Making an effort in the last of 2014 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.
How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
They say you`re not supposed to go to the grocery store when you`re hungry. It`s been several days now, what should I do?
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
May your life one day be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
I would like to be a Disney Princess...You know, where I have random animals showing up to help with the housework!
I keep hitting the escape key ... But I`m still here.
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
Fast way to mess up someones Knock Knock joke? "It`s open."
Exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors. - Jehovah`s Fitness.
Serving size ?? LMAO
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
Guys just want a virgin porn star and girls just want a dangerous safe guy.