Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow
If I were my boss, I`d never leave my coffee cup unattended.
My fake plant died because I didn`t pretend to water it
You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.
My greatest achievement today was writing this status.
When one door closes, another one opens.... That`s when you realize that you`ve bought a really bad second hand car.
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
The hardest question of the weekend.. can or bottle?
Likes doing tokyo drifts with the shopping carts when I round the corner of each isle at Walmart.
I asked my wife what women really want, she said attentive lovers. Or maybe she said "a tent of lovers." I wasn`t really listening.
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.
Daylight Saving Time rocks. It even makes laziness sound impressive. I did nothing for 24 hours? Not today. I did nothing for 25 hours!