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Tattoos are like potato chips. You can`t have just one.
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
I hear my ex is now into orgies, or at least that`s what the Craigslist ad I just posted on her behalf said.
My friend is a magician, she can turn anything into an argument.
My wife just made a "special" dinner "just for me" for no apparent reason. I`m going to die, right ?
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair.
I got a letter in the mail saying I was pre-approved for a Walmart Credit Card. Not sure if I should be honored or ashamed.
Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.
When someone yells stop, I don`t know if it`s in the name of love, it`s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.
I don’t need your attitude. The voices in my head are enough
I took a nude photo of myself ... With the light off ... You`re welcome.
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
I`m a nonviolent person until I see a spider. Then I turn into Al Capone and "I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND!