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The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
Sorry I was staring at your nachos while you were talking about your painful divorce
The overspray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don`t know who`s winning
Don`t come to my door wanting to talk about the Lord. I don`t come to your door wanting to talk about wine and vibrators, do I?
Be the best you can be, while being the worst that you`re able to get away with.
You know you are getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
None of my girlfriends even know they`re dating me.
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
Water is so good when it`s mixed with grains and yeast, fermented and then distilled and aged.
I don`t make a very good first impression, but if you hang around, my forty-third one is pretty cool.
Folks, there`s no need to say GOODNIGHT on Facebook. NO ONE will be thinking " hey where did they go".
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?