Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I love being married. It`s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
That awkward moment when you realize this year is just going to be filled with morons talking about the end of the world the whole time.
wants to come back as a bird after I die.... just so i can sh!t on the people who piss me off.
If all the worlds a stage and the men and women merely players, how come Justin Bieber gets all the airtime?
My life is spent trying to get people to give me the silent treatment.
I`m never free but I`m available.
The bad news: I took the wrong medication today. The good news: For the next 3 months I`m protected against heartworms and fleas.
Autocorrect changed "you`re so wise" to "you`re so wide", and now I need to find a good hiding spot before my wife comes home.
Roasted beef is like regular beef except the cows family tells embarrassing stories about it, which are tough and tasteless.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.
I should probably do some housework before they try to film the next Febreeze commercial here.
Being unsure has never stopped me from making a decision.
A friend suggested I see a therapist but the truth is, I like being f*cked up.
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.