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If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance.
I wish someone would steal my identity, fix it and and give it back...
Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
Scott Baio is not a part of the Presidential transition team. Iām really disappointed that Charles is not in Charge of anything.
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
The only real difference between my 20s and my 30s is that now I make all my bad decisions before midnight.
I think I have an urge to get up and clean the house. Wait...no, false alarm.
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you`ll get what you want.
The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
I eat a whole pizza before I go to the gym, because a good workout begins with low self-esteem.
The easiest way to escape a conversation is to interrupt the other person and say "this conversation is going great" every few seconds
Do me a favor if someone tells you they don`t like me , tell them I don`t like them either.
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."
Just got rid of 150lbs of ugly fat ... Got divorced.