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Laxatives............for people who don`t give a crap.
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life…
I don`t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
Face down, a$$ up ... that`s the way I tie my shoes.
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
Opinions are like a$$holes: some people make money by posting them on the internet.
The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
Rump roast is called rump roast because nobody would eat it if it was called cow`s ass
When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.
I mean, I don`t even call it a hangover anymore. It`s just morning.
My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.