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Ever had sex while camping!? It`s intents!
I accidentally lit the wrong end of a cigarette-that can`t be healthy!
My greatest fear is standing on stage in front of millions while my Google search history is read aloud...
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
Whenever I move into a new neighborhood, the first thing I familiarize myself with is the liquor store coz you know priorities.
The trouble with children is that they´re not returnable.
I`m not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn`t looking,, I can turn water into Sprite.
I just burned 1200 calories.I forgot the pizza in the oven.
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
After a night of heavily drinkin` there`s one thing I can`t stand...and that`s up.
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
I`m not saying my wife`s voice is annoying, but right now I`m really jealous of deaf people.
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
I`m having an out of money experience.