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Jerry: Tom, you are a genius!.. Tom: Yeah, I am called that a lot... Jerry: What? Genius?... Tom: No, `Tom`
Some people might as well post ‘Wants Attention’ as their Facebook status.
Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone.
I hate it when I mean to buy seedless grapes but instead I accidentally get...well you know...Oreos.
Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don`t wanna have to explain why I`m in your `Random Party Pics 08` album at 4am.
I hate it when I think I`m buying ORGANIC vegetables but when I get home I discover they`re just REGULAR donuts...
Tomorrow is Valentines day, a holiday that comes along once a year to remind you that if you don`t have a special someone...I guess your alone.
This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
Why non-smokers don`t take bubble blowing breaks is beyond me
Saying something stupid and thinking “Yeah, that sounded way better in my head"
Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?
You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
A woman just dropped a 20 dollar bill next to me. I thought, `What would Jesus do?`, so I turned it into wine ... Well, I bought wine.
hell yeah !!!! i was the lucky sperm !!!!!