Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve tried several times, but I can`t pet a cat without plotting world domination.
When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don`t tell them you need it by a certain date.
I love to do housework in the nude. Unfortunately for the neighbours, today I`m roofing.
I kind of feel like getting some work done today, so I’m just going to sit here until that feeling passes.
If you don`t give a f*ck then why you telling everybody?
Relationship status: Runs alone at night in hopes of being abducted.
They say women only use 10% of their anger
The phrase "Don`t take this the wrong way." has a zero percent success rate.
Raw eggs are great for a fitness diet. If you don`t like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.
It is possible to stay in your room all day and be perfectly happy.
I didn`t fall. The floor just needed a hug.
If I drove a UPS truck there’s a 100% chance I would fall out of the truck when I turned corners.
I finally had the talk with my kids. I told them that in the wild animals eat their young so they better get their sh!t together.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!
Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.