Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Getting out of bed was my worst mistake today.
If you blow out the kid`s Birthday candles at enough parties, people will just stop inviting you to them.
If your house doesn`t have house numbers on it, you need to address that situation.
"Mary had a little lamb. That`s had." - the wolf
Happy Elastic Waistband Day
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
That awkward moment when you’re laughing so hard, you accidentally hit your head on something..
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
MIDDLE EAST: How can we stop ISIS? EUROPE: How can we save our economy? AMERICA: What color is this dress?!
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are…until you hear a child sing them.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait....
That annoying moment when a package says "easy open" and you need scissors, a knife, a gun, and a lightsaber just to open it.
I need a new bad decision.
I party until the taxi with the pretty red and blue lights picks me up.