Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve done so much f*cked up sh!t while I was drunk that I have to drink to forget it all.
A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million.
Sometimes I feel like giving up...Then I remember I have a lot of motherf*ckers to prove wrong
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
This job fair sucks... They don`t have one F*cking ride...
I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com
Just when I think my confidence couldn`t be shakier, some shitty website tells me I have a "Weak Password"
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
24 hours in a day.. 24 beers in a case.. coincidence?
A real man should never wave faster than he says the word “hey”
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
The people who make medicine clearly have no idea what fruit tastes like
True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn.
I just got pulled over by the US Border Patrol. The agent comes up to my window and says, "Papers?" I said, "Scizzors!! I win!!!." And drove off. Apparently the US Border Patrol didn`t think Paper beat Scizzors. Sore Losers!!
My ex was an absolute treasure and by treasure I mean you`ll need a shovel and map to find him.