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I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
Apparently the drunk guy at the urinal next to me is under the impression that I was stung in the leg by a jellyfish.
Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonald’s doesn’t serve breakfast after 10:30.
I`m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You`re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what`s going on here.
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
I`m working out my budget and, provided I don`t live past Tuesday, I can retire relatively comfortably!!!
A dozen roses: $12, a box of chocolates: $10, a Happy Valentines Day card: $2, still having $24 dollars because you`re single: priceless!
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house ... It was delicious.
I’m pretty good at keeping my sh!t together. Until there’s a bee around.
The more I drink the better my Idea`s seem to get.
I only support ghost hunting if you need the ghost for food.
Hey ladies, tired of your man complaining about how long it takes you to get ready? Start blow drying your hair in the nude. I promise no more complaints.
The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.
OK so i have an idea ............... wait why are you all running away?