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Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....
At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
A computer losing its internet access is the equivalent of a car running out of gas, both become useless.
Ugh, I have an ingrown hair and it really hurts. This sounds like a job for medical marijuana.
*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
How do I like my eggs? ... Ummm, in a cake
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I am going to the liquor store and I`m scared that it`s closed.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
My wife told me I have to quit playing poker all the time but I think she`s bluffing...