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The problem with frozen yogurt is that it`s not ice cream.
I’m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don’t want to hang out with you now… but I’m still very proud…
Divorce is expensive because its worth it.
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
Mall kiosk employees are basically human pop up ads.
Ride me like you stole me.
When I get to heaven, the first question I`m asking God is, why does my butt have more hair than my head?
I just want to point out that I am an Amazon Prime member so it`s about time you guys started treating me with a little respect.
Want to watch a nerd have a melt down? Tell him that you just bought an Android Ipad.
What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?
Neil Armstrong said "One small step for man...". I would`ve just said "OH MY GOD, I`M ON THE MOON!!!!!!".
It´s never to late to be happy
I want you to know that whatever problems you`re having, I`m here to read about it on Facebook
I`m Dave, or as the ladies like to call me... "Hey, you! Behind the bushes!"
I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice.