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I wouldn`t say I`m an alcoholic. I`d slur it.
I drink to make other people interesting
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
Similarities between BRA and BAR 1. Both have similar letters 2. Both are drinking zones 3. When both opened men go crazy "prove me wrong"
I like my relationships like I like my eggs: over easy.
Walmart: the only place on Earth you can get a haircut, eye exam, ice cream sandwich, tires for your car, and witness a real life "what not to wear" episode.
I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
Screw love... I`d rather fall in chocolate.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I`m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
So long pants! See you Monday!
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.