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Conspiracy theory for conspiracy theorists: Your conspiracy theories were planted by the government to distract you from real conspiracies.
If something on this page offends you, please bring it to our attention so we can all laugh at you.
Lucky Charms should be 98% Marshmallows and 2% of that other sh*t.
A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.
I can bench 250 lbs. And by that, I mean, I can sit myself down on a bench in a local park.
Think about how much more stressful life`s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol at my house may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.
Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.
Me: I`m hungry. Fridge: I don`t give a sh*t. Cabinet: B*tch, don`t look at me. Freezer: Lol, you like ice? :-)
*Goes to the gym. Takes a selfie in front of the weights. Leaves.
My ice bucket challenge: 1. Buy bucket 2. Add ice 3. Add 12 beers 4. Sign into FB and drink
I keep my land line so I can find my cell phone.