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I put my phone on airplane mode, and it dragged me out of my seat.
I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas.
Royal baby was born at 8 pounds. Thats like 12 dollars.
How about first you show me your benefits and THEN I`ll let you know if we can be friends.
It`s a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships.
This year thousands of men will die from stubbornness....NO WE WON`T!!
*Spoiler Alert*--- Siamese cats are just one cat ... not two cats in one.
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting. I nearly couldn`t finish my sandwich.
If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
I only use elevators for one thing. Surprise group hugs
It’s like I was put on this earth so unstable people have somebody to date.
May your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you.
Today is boozeday, I mean Tuesday...same difference!