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Got in touch with my inner self this morning. That`s the LAST time I buy single ply toilet paper.
Girl: What`s the plan, get me drunk and take advantage of me. Boy: Good, you`ve done this before
Why don’t television shows say, “You will be delighted to know that this program contains strong sexual content?”
I`ve reached that time of day between "coffee wearing off" and "murdering my co-worker."
Facebook is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in.
Yeah, you go ahead and climb that mountain "because it`s there", I am going to eat this Pizza "because it`s here"................................
Answer your phone, "come in" just to mess with people once in a while. Count how many seconds it takes for them to respond.
Good morning to some...Hello to others...And f*uck you to the rest!!
life is too short to think twice and act wise....
Alcohol: Because no good story starts with “So this one time I was eating a salad….”
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
I`m the type of person that would thrive in solitary confinement.
Just once, I`d like to clock out from work by sliding down a dinosaur.
When someone tries to tell me they can`t do something, I`m like "you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?"
My mind is telling me nooo... But my body... My body`s telling me yesss...BABY. Cashier: Sir...would you like fries with that or not?