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There is nothing more annoying than a couple who just got back from vacation.
If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
When a movie says "Based on a true story." it means this is sort of what happened but with way uglier people.
I don`t care about your choice in politics, religion, or taste in music... I judge you simply based on football team preference
I`m just doing what the beer tells me to.
"Just so you know, you`re coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
Oh no. I thought of a brilliant status to update while taking bath but by the time I got back to my phone I forgot it. This is why I hate taking a bath.
The first sign of laziness:
Any amusement you may have experienced from my past posts are in no way a guarantee of future performance.... Please initial here and sign here.
Did you know, the designated driver is usually the guy having the most luck with the ladies.
I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It’s obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola.
There are a lot of side effects to smoking weed. Like never shutting up about the fact that you smoke weed.
People should be required to pay an extra dollar for every syllable of their coffee order.
Can you find the the mistake? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Click Funny if you did..
When life gives you lemons....throw them back and yell, "I wanted cookies!"