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Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to grow up, I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
In all my years, I have never finished a pencil.
Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.
Laughter is the best medicine (that my insurance is willing to cover)
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
Passed a vampire, a zombie, and a prostitute on the way to work tonight. Not sure which ones were in costume…
Today is national bring your flask to work day. I just made it up. Tell the others...
Sorry I cancelled at the last minute, but it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn`t used yet.
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
I have problems cleaning my house because I get distracted by all the fun things I find.
u cant spell awesome without me
RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.
Elevators are so stupid. They have a button for the floor I`m already on.
It`s not you, it`s me. I can`t stand you.