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That awkward moment when im in the Airport, I walk through the metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off
Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don`t get me started on the dinosaurs.
Ran into the girl who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.
I hate when I´m laughing & my a$$ falls off.
Every parent’s superpower is the ability to communicate “I love you!” and “I will kill you!” with a single look.
The best part about living in a small town is when I don`t know what I`m doing, someone else does.
Have you ever laughed so hard that no sound comes out and you sit there clapping your hands like a retarded seal?
Anything I say or do before I`ve had my coffee doesn`t count.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 10% of battery remaining.
I love sleep ... it’s like a Time Machine to Breakfast.
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
Did you know? If you were to watch all of the Saw films, it would take you 666 minutes?
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
I wonder where superman changes now that there are no more phone booths
You`re only young once but you can be immature forever!