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It was love at first sight...I should have looked twice.
In my head I sound like the Queen of England bitches!
when my swear jar gets full I`m going to use the money to buy a f*cking puppy
Life is full of disappointments, I`ll just add you to the list.
My nickname is Gilette because I`m the best a man can get. Also, I will cut you
I didn`t see anyone important today so I`m going to wear the same clothes tomorrow.
I need a thingy to fix the thingy because the thingy came loose and the thingy is wiggly now. Do you sell those? -Me, at Home Depot
Everything I like is expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
Give a man a fish & he`ll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
If you don`t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
If my jokes offend you: 1. I’m sorry. 2. It won’t happen again. 3. 1 & 2 are lies. 4. You’re a wussy.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
I test drove a car last month. Apparently, you`re not supposed to keep the car for a month. At least that what this cop is telling me.
I just googled, "understanding women," the computer crashed.