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Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
I don`t care how smart your phone is, it`s not going to change how stupid you are.
Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on.
If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
I hate buying feminine products! How am I supposed to know if this is the right kind of broom or not?
If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
I`ve been told that I can be condescending... that means that I tend to talk down to people.
Guys you should never overreact when you hear the words, " The babysitter is late."
"keep moving.....nothing to see here"
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
I need to find new reward systems besides beer and chocolate.
Language is cool because it`s just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
It takes me like three days to wake up in the morning.