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Five years ago my boss asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I finally know the answer: Not Here
All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.
I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
The only time I`ve ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.
Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
Don`t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
Panick, chaos, anarchy... my work here is done.
Still waiting for the moment when there will be a "add to wishlist" button on people`s facebook profile !!
you know you`ve been facebooking too much when you accidentally say "LOL", in person...
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn’t make the cut.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she’s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
A sheep spends it`s entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?