Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.
Detective: “The victim musta had company. There’s 2 dirty plates in the sink.” If I ever get murdered they’ll think I had 16 people over.
Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
Change is always hard.... Especially when a jar of it falls on your head.
If you’re getting dirty looks because your baby is crying loudly on a plane, start crying even louder and everyone will avoid eye contact
Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don`t wanna have to explain why I`m in your `Random Party Pics 08` album at 4am.
Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn`t appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.
If someone starts a sentence with "words can`t express," brace yourself, because they`re about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
Men are like lottery tickets. Very exciting at first, until you scratch away the surface to reveal the loser beneath.
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks.So if you`re swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools.
Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
I don’t need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.