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i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I`d totally use it to take a nap without people noticing.
Oh you better not pout. You better not cry. You better not shout I`m telling you why. Nobody gives a f*ck.
Some of my ideas are about as profitable as selling YOLO T-Shirts at a Reincarnation seminar
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren’t there Starbucks pumpkin spice latte trucks in the winter?
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."
Some day I wanna be "change my oil every 3000 miles" rich!
It`s so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.
I`m God`s gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
This year, I`m thankful for all the people that included me in their mass texts wishing me a "Happy Thanksgiving," now I know which numbers to block when Christmas comes around.
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
I can`t afford to go on vacation these days,so I just drink until I don`t know where the duck I am or how I got there.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I was flattered.