Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Delete cookies? Why on Earth would I want to do that?! I LOVE COOKIES
I want a doorbell that makes the sound of someone knocking on the door.
just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
All the advantages right-handed people have are cancelled out when we have to do our banking at the drive-up ATM left-handed.
When I found out my toaster wasn`t waterproof, I was shocked!
According to my iPhone Health app, I walked 1,787 steps around this Golden Corral buffet tonight .... So I got that going for me.
This hot fudge sundae hasn`t killed me so it must be making me stronger.
I`m perfect you adjust.
If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.
I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.
I thinking about how im disgusted by holding a gas pump but yet, I have no problem drinking my beer from a cup that ten other people drank out of, and a backwash covered ping pong ball was just thrown into it after hitting a dirty a$$ garage floor??
The only thing more amusing than someone leaving a voicemail is them asking if you actually listened to it.
If nothing else, love is nice because it confirms that you do not hate everyone. Just everyone minus one.
Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?