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You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
If people are what they eat, some people must eat a lot of stupid.
Just because I`m awake doesn`t mean I`m ready to do things
Ladies, when it comes to stalking, I`m 100% behind you.
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you`re ignorant and make bad decisions.
I wish I had the confidence of a male flight attendant
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
Getting my kids to the airport always feels like I`m recreating the first 10 minutes of "Home Alone."
is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf´s a minute
Im out like a fat kid playing dodge ball
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to go poop after you get out of the shower.
Are oranges named orange because they’re orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.