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That`s not chapstick in my front pocket.
only fights if pillows are present.
I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I`m not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
Hey ladies, I just love "Austrailian" kissing...it`s a lot like "French" kissing only Down Under!
The doctors say im going to be ok. I must warn you the dyson ball cleaner has a very misleading name.
I bought a box of "SO CALLED" Hot Pockets --- brought them home, and opened one to eat it, and the Damned thing was FROZEN ----- Miis-Advertizing at it`s BEST!!! Now what do I do with the Damned thing???? :-P
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket .. I´d miss you alot and think of you often.
The heat index is somewhere between OMG and WTF!
To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for the reaction.
I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
Women are so silly sometimes, thinking men actually care if they fake it.
If a cannibal ate a comedian, that would lead to some funny sh!t.
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?
A morning text from me doesn`t mean "good morning". It means "I`m having very dirty thoughts about you right now".
Nothing says you mean business more than putting on a bib before you eat a girl out