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The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.
How many selfies does it take to get to the center of attention?
Light travels faster than sound. That`s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If you want to set up a company and run it then that`s your business.
am updating my status just to let you know my status has no status
Waking up everyday seems a little excessive.
I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"
Dude, next time you wanna wave at me, please use more than one finger.
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
If you`re feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.
Language is cool because it`s just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.
I like staying up insanely late but I also like getting 12 hours of sleep. See my dilemma?
I`m sorry I said your head looks too small to power your body.
If you like to spoon, you`ll love to spatula. That`s where I flip you over to make certain you`re done properly on both sides.