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There’s a wild side to EVERY innocent face.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
I saw that! - Karma
Person: You`re blocking the view. Me: B!tch, I am the view!
Guys, want to find out all of your flaws in under a minute? Just ask your girlfriend if she`s gained weight.
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
Caterpillars have the ideal life. They eat a lot and then sleep for a while and wake up beautiful.
The best thing about online classes is the beer.
"Just so you know, you`re coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
Just saw someone eat a kit kat bar without breaking off each individual piece and now I can`t stop twitching.
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
There is no logical reason why short pants should cost the same as long pants.
Hello, fire department? Is this Mr. February? Yeah, I`m stuck in a tree. Uh, I mean... meooow.