Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
Everything happens for a reason. That`s why I drink to everything!
FYI: Push-up bras don`t actually help you do more push-ups :(
Pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
I always see more people walking into Sam`s Club than out of Sam`s Club, but the meat`s cheap, so I don`t ask questions.
My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
Dr. Seuss could have been the greatest rapper ever.
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
Nascar would be so more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
Just shaved my legs for the first time since October...just kidding, it`s not warm enough for that yet.
Why would a married man buy a hearing aid?