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One quality I`m not looking for in a partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm. #FarmVille
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I`m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...
I like to respond to statuses with .. WOW, Someone needs a Happy Meal.
I believe in love at first episode.
If they put beer in CapriSun pouches I could fit a lot more in my cooler. Just thought I`d throw that out there, people who invent sh!t.
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
My friends had a surprise party for me last night, well I called it a surprise party they called it an intervention.
I’M ENGAGED…..to be hungover tomorrow.
Most of my thoughts have been coming from a very dark place lately. That`s what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
I hope that man who was walking in memphis found out the way he really felt
Go ahead, judge me. Wait, let me get my bat first. Alright, I`m ready now.
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them.